Does Your Relationship Pass the Test?
Test Your Love:
- Are you frightened by your partner's temper?
- Are you afraid to disagree with him or her?
- Do you find yourself apologizing for your partner's behavior when you are treated badly?
- Have you been frightened by his or her violence toward others?
- Has your partner hit, kicked, shoved, or thrown things at you?
- Do you see friends or family less because of your partner's jealousy?
- Have you been forced to have sex or been afraid to say no to sex?
- Are you forced to justify everything you do, every place you go and every person you see to avoid your partner's temper?
- Have you been wrongly and repeatedly accused of flirting or having sex with others?
- Are you unable to go out without his or her permission?
- Have you become secretive ashamed, or hostile to your parents because of this relationship?
- Are you extremely jealous and possessive?
- Do you have an explosive temper?
- Do you constantly ridicule, criticize, or insult your partner?
- Do you become violent when you drink and/or use drugs?
- Have you broken your partner's possessions or thrown things at her or him?
- Have you hit, pushed, kicked, or otherwise injured your partner?
- Have you threatened to hurt or kill you partner or someone close to her or him?
- Have you forced your partner to have sex, or used intimidation so he or she was afraid to say no?
- Have you threatened to kill yourself if your partner leaves?
- Do you make your partner account for every moment he or she is away from you?
- Do you spy on or call your partner constantly to check up on her or him?
- Do you accuse your partner of seeing others?
What to do if you are an abuser:
Acknowledge that you have a problem. Make a commitment to yourself: "I will not rape or hit". There is help for you. Join a domestic violence treatment group. Go to Alcoholics Anonymous or a drug program. Talk to parents, friends, or other adults about your problem. Learn as much as you can about abusive relationships. Respect others and respect yourself.
You CAN choose not to abuse.
If your friend is in an abusive relationship:
- Be there. Listen.
- Help your friend recognize the abuse. Tell her or him that it will probably get worse.
- Be non-judgmental. If your friend wants to stay in the relationship or goes back and forth, do not tell her or him that she or he is wrong.
- Help your friend with safety plans for when the abuse is explosive, violent, verbally or sexually abusive.
- If your friend breaks up with the abuser, keep up the support. It takes a while to get over a relationship that is violent.
- Encourage your friend to talk to adults and get help. Go with her or him to see a counselor or to enroll in a support group.
- If you become frightened or frustrated, get support from friends, family members, or other adults. Educate yourself about dating violence. You can't rescue your friend, but with support you can patiently hang in there and support your friend.
As anyone knows, being a teenager is difficult.
Even more difficult being a teenager living in a home where domestic violence occurs can be even more difficult. Teenagers living in a home with domestic violence have the pressure of trying to fit in with their peers while also trying to face the problem of trying to keep their home life a secret.
The families’ relationship can be strained to a breaking point. The result can be teens that never learn to form trust, a lasting relationship, or may become involved in abusive relationships themselves.
Teens face the same feelings as a younger child does in an abusive family. They mainly feel lonely and isolated; growing up to fast, stress related medical and mental health problems, school problems, and behavior problems. Teenagers are also faced with entering into the dating world for the first time. They formulate their own theories about relationships, and the teens in an abusive home don’t have the best models on which to base a healthy relationship. The teenagers may be faced with a high risk of being victims of dating violence, and/or ending up in violent relationships, as adults, either as a victim or an abuser.
Volunteer Youth Prevention Advocate
· 30% of Domestic Violence occurs when a women becomes pregnant.*
· Seeing a parent be assaulted has the same impact as being hit.*
· 90% of Domestic Violence occurs while children our in the same or next room.*
*Information received from
Teen Dating Violence
Teenagers often experience violence in dating relationships. Statistics show that one in three teenagers has experienced violence in a dating relationship. In dating violence, one partner tries to maintain power and control over the other through abuse. Dating violence crosses all racial, economic and social lines. Most victims are young women, who are also at greater risk for serious injury. Young women need a dating safety plan.
Teen dating violence often is hidden because teenagers typically:
· are inexperienced with dating relationships.
· are pressured by peers to act violently.
· want independence from parents.
have "romantic" views of love.
Teen dating violence is influenced by how teenagers look at themselves and others.
Young men may believe:
· they have the right to "control" their female partners in any way necessary.
· "masculinity" is physical aggressiveness
· they "possess" their partner.
· they should demand intimacy.
they may lose respect if they are attentive and supportive toward their girlfriends.
Young women may believe:
· they are responsible for solving problems in their relationships
· their boyfriend's jealousy, possessiveness and even physical abuse, is "romantic."
· abuse is "normal" because their friends are also being abused.
there is no one to ask for help.
Teenagers can choose better relationships when they learn to identify the early warning signs of an abusive relationship, understand that they have choices, and believe they are valuable people who deserve to be treated with respect. http://www.acadv.org/dating.html